Indeed, you found me!

First Good News I’ve Had Since I Nailed bin Laden,’ President Says

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – A jubilant President Barack Obama said that tonight’s Republican forum was “the best debate ever,” calling it “the first good news I’ve had since I nailed bin Laden.”

Mr. Obama watched the debate surrounded by advisors in the White House Situation Room, where the mood was said to be tense “up until the first time Rick Santorum opened his mouth.”

“I’m not a big TV watcher,” Mr. Obama said, “but that debate had to be the most entertaining two hours I’ve ever had the privilege of seeing.”

Mr. Obama confirmed that he had DVRd the debate for future screenings at the White House, which tonight was the site of a spectacular fireworks display in the moments after the debate’s conclusion.

Among the debate’s highlights, CNN’s John King asked each of the four candidates to define themselves using only one word.

Romney: “Asshat.”

Santorum: “Douche.”

Gingrich: “Blimp.”

Paul: “High.”

In a lighter moment, Sen. Santorum told what he said was his favorite joke: “A Kenyan, a Muslim and a socialist walk into a bar. And then he makes everyone get an abortion.”

And Mr. Gingrich scored points with this comment on education: “We should leave no child behind, only wives.”